Copper Queens Defeat Iron Curtain in Tucson Local Action

TUCSON, AZ -- After a rather lopsided bout on March 7th between the VICE Squad and the Furious Truckstop Waitresses (VICE steamrolled FTW 185-33), Tucson Roller Derby fans were eager to see something a bit more competitive. It came in the form of the cool, competent, hard-working Copper Queens and the exciting, quickly-improving Iron Curtain.

Defense and strategy would win the day as both teams exhibited intense awareness of the game. With the jammers and defenses evenly matched, the jams were short and low-scoring. Both teams held under 100 points? A point differential of less than 20? Gadzooks! Could it be Roller Derby? In Tucson? Yes!


First Half



After a closely contested opening three jams left the score at 3-3, the Copper Queens began to slowly but surely pull ahead. Jam 4, between Bianka Trohl (for Iron Curtain) and Ferocious Oxide (for Copper Queens), proved to be a showcase for the defensive play of Copper Queen Powder Keg who seemed to be in a groove from this point forward. She would make her presence at the back of the pack known many times this night and in this jam she would almost single-handedly hold back Bianka Trohl for the entire jam. Bianka would never break pack and Fero scored a textbook grandslam, bumping the score to 8-3 in favor of the Queens.

Rookie sensation Luc3f3r, last seen turning heads for the Tucson all-stars at the Four Corner Feud tournament in Colorado Springs, took the star for IC against Dirty Teri for CQ. If all eyes were on Luce they were watching the wrong jammer because Teri would do what she would go on to do many times this night: win a jam by a lopsided margin. Teri broke pack quickly and was on her first scoring pass before Luc3f3r would leave the pack ... to go sit in the penalty box. Finding herself on the right end of a power jam, Teri easily completed a second pass before calling the jam, making it two grand slams, 10 points and a 18-3 lead for the Copper Queens.

The next jam began with Luc3f3r still in the box and Pixie Axe jamming for the Queens. Luce's penalty expired in time for her to join the pack on its first pass. Perhaps not scoring in her first two jams left her feeling she had something to prove -- nobody saw her coming when she shot back onto the track at top speed, passing the entire pack on the outside in less than half a lap. She won lead and countered Teri's last jam exactly, 10-0, to bring the score right back to interesting -- 18-13 in favor of the Queens. To quote Tucson's fabulous announcers: Hail Satan.

Powder Keg took a turn jamming next, earning a grand slam over Punchkisser and pushing the Copper Queen lead to 10 points, 23-13. But the next seven jams reverted to the low-scoring back and forth seen in the first three jams, with three of these jams going completely scoreless. Most notable would again be the play of Powder Keg, who by the end of this stretch had well established herself as the Queens antidote to Luc3f3r. The Iron Curtain fell deep into penalty trouble during this time and the Queens would take advantage 14-2, stretching their lead to 37-15.

Luc3f3r finally scored again in a 4-0 jam against Dirty Teri. This jam is well remembered not so much for the points, however, but for the crowd-pleasing mega-super-skirt-whip shown below. Turns out the Iron Curtain's new uniforms don't just look good, but they are in fact secret communist super weapons.



But that was it for Iron Curtain scoring on the half, shut out in the closing three frames. In the last jam of the half, with the Iron Curtain already down by 20 points, Dirty Teri delivered what many might have seen as the nail in the coffin, an 8-0 jam that sent the game to half time with the Queens holding a commanding 47-19 lead. Teri proved effective in the second half as well, but her performance in the first half should be credited as game-winning, outscoring her opposing jammers 26-5. That's a 21-point difference in a bout ultimately decided by 14 points.


Second Half



But the Iron Curtain would keep it interesting. The second half saw much less of them in the penalty box and much more of them scoring. After a quick 0-0, the Iron Curtain took command over the next five jams, whittling away at the Copper Queens lead, outscoring them 15-8 and bringing the score to a more manageable 55-34.

The rally wouldn't last, though. The Queens, with continued pack-play dominance from blocker Powder Keg, followed up with a tremendous defensive stand, taking lead jam seven times in a row and holding the Iron Curtain to a mere two points (courtesy of Luc3f3r). By the end of that run, the score was 73-36 and the game clock read 12:59.

Momentum swung back to the Curtain, but only slightly, and not by large margins. Over the next eight minutes and six jams, the Iron Curtain's biggest win was a 5-0 grand slam for their captain Kamanda. They'd outscore the Copper Queens 15-7, but time was running out -- it was 80-51 with only 5 minutes to play.

Punchkisser, jamming for the IC, quickly took lead over Pixie Axe. Pixie looked to be hot on her heels but IC blocker Bianka Trohl didn't let up, jumping in front of the pack, catching the Queens jammer, and holding onto her long enough for the pack to catch back up to her. Frustration, distraction, or simple error, Pixie Axe would then get herself thrown in the box just as Punch began her first scoring pass. Punch passed the pack before Pixie could sit down, a golden opportunity for the trailing team. Punch called off the jam, taking it 5-0 and giving the entire power jam to Luc3f3r.

Credit goes to the Queens defense for cracking down at the right time. Luc3f3r would eventually break pack, but not after having 75 precious seconds wasted. So what does a superstar do with her other 45 seconds? Stupid question. Obviously she scores 10 points, taking the jam 10-0 and bringing the score firmly into miracle-comeback-range, 80-66.

The last jam began with 13 seconds left -- Bianka Trohl versus CQ ace Dirty Teri. Teri had been grabbing lead all night and all the derby-savvy fans knew that if she did it again, she could simply call off the jam and end the game ... but naturally, as adrenaline would have it, Bianka immediately grabbed lead jammer in just over a single lap. Teri, meanwhile, was uncharacteristically stymied by the Iron Curtain defense. A 14-0 jam is a tall order, but if it was to happen, this jam couldn't have started better for the Curtain. However, it was not to be. Teri eventually broke free and Bianka eventually hit a wall. The jam expired at a 7-7 tie and the 14-point deficit remained.

The Iron Curtain won the second half 54-40, but the Copper Queens took the bout 87-73.

Tucson's next action takes place on April 18 in an intraleague doubleheader: the Copper Queens throw down with the undefeated VICE Squad while the winless Furious Truckstop Waitresses get it on with the Iron Curtain.

Photos: David Anderson

Dallas Derby Devils & Dallas Deception Win in Doubleheader

DALLAS, TX -- A long anticipated bout finally came to fruition last Saturday when the Dallas Derby Devils took on Assassination City, the first time the cross-town rivals had met in a regular WFTDA sanctioned bout. More to the point, this was the first time fans of both leagues were able to fill up a building and cheer, cheer, cheer. If that weren't enough to draw a crowd, local men's team Dallas Deception hosted the Tucson Dry Heat Militia in their debut bout, a 40 minute affair. Let no one say they don't appreciate derby in Dallas.

The final outcome of the 60 minute women's bout might have been easy to predict - when we last saw these teams they were taking turns against Atlanta, with DDD winning and AC losing - and indeed the Devils came out on top again, 228-60. But how did it all happen, and what can AC take with them into the future?

Women's Bout: Dallas 228, Assassination City 60



The opening jam pitted Roxie La Roo of DDD against Olive Illegal of AC, two jammers that would see a lot of action the entire night. Roxie would win the opener, 9-1, scoring a grandslam before Olive could break the pack and then completing another pass before calling off the jam.

The second jam would typify the efforts of both teams. While Dallas would win the jam 4-1, (Hot 4 Teacher over Brandi Danger), credit has to be given to Assassination City for getting their jammers out of the pack quick enough to convince Dallas to call of the jam after only one scoring pass. What the final score doesn't tell you is that AC pushed hard enough to avoid what could have been many extremely lopsided jams, instead forcing the issue with Dallas. Very few jams went the full two minutes and most of them weren't much longer than one.

The third and fifth jams saw AC jammers Vanna Rockin and Brandi Danger go to the penalty box. Dallas took advantage of these penalties by calling off the jam and starting fresh jams with uncontested jammers. This put them in firm control of four consecutive jams and Keltic Kamikaze, Roxie La Roo, Hot 4 Teacher and Ingersoll Rand would rack the score up to 43-2, putting Dallas in irrevocable command of the bout.

Olive Illegal would then go toe-to-toe with Roxie La Roo, keeping the eighth jam tied at 4-4, but the ninth jam would see Dallas demonstrate their superior athleticism in the bout's first two-minute jam. With Keltic Kamikaze and Brandi Danger both ineligible for lead jammer it became a pure race, one that Keltic would win 14-3.

It was not until jam 10 that AC would earn its first lead jammer. Olive Illegal took control quickly against Hot 4 Teacher, but both skaters started their first scoring pass at about the same time. Olive accepted the risks of not calling off the jam and both jammers would go on to attempt two scoring passes, with Olive coming out on top 7-6. An improvement for AC, but the Dallas lead was not going to be surmounted one point at a time. The score was 67-16.

Dallas responded by shutting out AC for the next five jams. When the dry spell was broken AC was able to get lead jammer three times in a row, (credit to Herassizz Mine, Illegally Blonde and Olive Illegal), but had to settle for being matched nearly point for point by the Dallas jammers. The first half came to close soon after with Dallas up 121-28.

The second half would see a bit more violence. In the second jam Dallas jammer Hot 4 Teacher would go down and play would be stopped. Clearly in pain, Hot 4 would eventually pick herself up and return to jamming about 15 minutes later. Not one jam after her return would Assassination City's Herassizz Mine go down similarly but not be so lucky, suffering a game-ending knee injury.

In this half it would only take four jams before AC would step up and claim lead jammer, with Herassizz Mine grabbing a clean 5-0 off Roxie La Roo. No small feat.

Ten minutes into the half Assassination City put forth their best effort of the night, holding Dallas scoreless over three jams and allowing only two points in the next, making it a 13-2 run to bring us into the final quarter of the game at a score of 155-46. A wide margin, certainly, but worth noting that for 15 minutes the score only favored Dallas by a margin of 34-18. Again, give AC credit for never giving up and for playing as hard as they could the entire game.

The rest of the half, however, would go Dallas' way as they outscored AC 73-14 and brought us to the final score of 228-60.

Men's Bout: Dallas Deception 178, Tucson Dry Heat Militia 19



The core of Tucson's team has been together for a mere 7 months and while they have some true competitive talent in Pitchit and Johnny Smokescreen, the team had yet to experience roller derby on a highly competitive level. The Dry Heat was bolstered by Harm City skaters Justice Feelgood Marshall, Sin Diesel, and Gearhead in the interest of healthy competition, but it would prove much too little in the face of Dallas' hefty experience. The question, ultimately, wasn't who would win, but rather what these teams would look like. With public exhibitions of men's derby so rare, fans were excited to see anything.

And Dallas didn't merely have experience on their side, but youth and athleticism to boot. With nary a skater over 25 and with Matomic and Johnny Pocket Rocket already proven to be two of the best skaters in the country, Dallas is well positioned to become the best men's team out there.

In the first half, Tuscon pulled out all the stops it could, leaning heavily on a jammer rotation of Pitchit, Smoke and Justice. The first jam saw Matomic go up against Johnny Smokescreen, winning 8-5. To judge by a margin of three points, one might have guessed the Dry Heat would be putting pressure on the Deception to perform, but no, it would not be until the tenth jam that Tucson would score again.

Dallas' eight-jam shut-out would be highlighted in the fifth jam when Matomic would pass his star to Johnny Pocket Rocket while executing a twirling double-reverse whip. Showboating? Yes. Awesome? Of course. Crowd pleasing? Absolutely. Again, let no one say they don't appreciate derby in Dallas and under no circumstance shall it be permitted to say that the Dallas Deception can't work a crowd.

The sixth jam looked to be an opportunity for the Militia to get some points, as they started with Justice Feelgood Marshall alone on the line (with Pocket Rocket in the box due to having successfully called the jam after the star pass) -- but the chance was lost as Justice took a major track cut on his opening pass. That resulted in a jammerless jam that pitted a depleted Johhny Smokescreen against Short Bus. Short Bus would take it 6-0. Looking to relieve the primary jammer rotation, Julius Plaesar was put on the line for Tucson, setting up Pocket Rocket for the most lopsided jam of the bout, 20-0 and launching the score up to 72-5.

Pitchit would earn Tucson its first lead jammer against Rhino, taking the jam cleanly, 5-0, giving Tucson its last points of the period. At half the score would be 81-10 in favor of Dallas.

Victory clearly out of its grasp, the Dry Heat Militia went with a deeper jammer rotation in an effort to share the wealth of experience. The Deception would graciously follow suit, but not until the fifth jam. This would see Dallas open the period with a 60-4 explosion over a mere four jams, rocketing the score to 141-14, the bright spot for Tucson being that Mr. Awesome was able to grab 4 points in his debut jam.

In fifth jam things would calm down, with Dallas' Dewey Decimator skating to a 0-0 tie against Tucson's tiny but indestructible Handinout Justice.

The sixth jam would find the Dry Heat jammer Julius Plaesar called out for tripping, which would have been unremarkable if not for his egregious misuse of his own girth on his way to the penalty box, bumping the table that held his team's water cooler and sending 20+ gallons of water and ice exploding across the floor and onto the track in what must have been a vicious attempt to ruin the skates and spines of the host Deception.

It should be said that the Dallas Derby Devils staff was able to clean up the enormous mess in an impressively short time. Meanwhile, Matomic and Pocket Rocket entertained the crowd with their equally impressive jam-skating skills. Again, it shall not be permitted to question the Deception's ability to play a crowd.

The final score would be 178-19. Tucson's minimalist approach to scoring would be rounded out by Space Case (4 points), and Handinout Justice, (1 point). Dallas's 178 points would be led by Johnny Pocket Rocket's 48 points over 5 jams followed by Matomic and Texas Scold 'Em with 29 points each over 3 jams. Most impressive for Dallas was their ability to succeed with any jammer and not rely too heavily on the enormous talents of Matomic and Pocket Rocket.

Photos: Pitchit

Tucson Enters 6th Season With Full-League Round Robin

TUCSON, AZ -- Tucson Roller Derby fans were treated to a smorgasbord of action on February 7 when TRD kicked off its sixth season by pitting all four teams against each other in a round robin of epic proportions. The teams played six 15-minute mini-bouts to a standing-room only crowd and offered an exciting preview of what looks to be the most competitive TRD season to date. And the halftime show? More derby as Tucson's junior league exhibited their skills against the juniors from Los Angeles.

The defending champion Vice Squad emerged the most victorious, but the other three teams proved they aren't to be taken lightly.

First, the bottom line, and then, a team-by-team run down:

VICE Squad 42 - Furious Truckstop Waitresses 4
Copper Queens 22 - Iron Curtain 17
VICE Squad 28 - Copper Queens 17
Iron Curtain 24 - Furious Truckstop Waitresses 7
VICE Squad 29 - IC 23
Copper Queens 35 - Furious Truckstop Waitresses 5

And here are the teams that brought you those numbers:

Furious Truckstop Waitresses (0-3)



A casual TRD fan might gawk to think that FTW could ever sit at the bottom of the standings after so many years of dominance, but it turns out that roller derby is a real sport and in the real sports world, things change - and in the case of FTW, a lot has changed.

Only five players remain who were with the team last year: Peaches Rodriguez, Zippy's Takeout, Sunni Sideup, Sassy Sue and Gracie Spoon. The rest are rookies.

The future looks bright, however. There is some serious excitement over rookies Skeletor (because she's fast), and Jackrabbit Slams (because she's a tank), and the Waitresses played a lot better than the final scores indicate. They stayed in position, they fought to control the front of the pack and they were always paying attention. In other words, they were playing smart and they were working hard, which is all one can really ask of them.

On top of that, they exuded the one thing that has never changed about this team: positive attitude. When they win they don't gloat, when they lose they don't pout.

If their team chemistry is good and they can keep from letting losses frustrate them, this group could whip into shape rather quickly. TRD has seen it happen before with the Copper Queens, who were able to become serious contenders in just their second year.

VICE Squad (3-0)



I could go on and on about some of these ladies so I should probably just list everyone on their roster and tell you that they're all good.

Okay, let's do it.

Anita Donut, Turkish Slammer, Barbicide, Sami Automatic, Deadlock Doe, Polly Graf, Sgt. Pepper Spray, Carrie Gunns, Myna N. Possession, Whiskey Mick. (They're all good).

On Saturday, Myna N. Possession inadvertently reminded the crowd how good she was not by her performance on the track but by an appearance in the bout program, specifically the part where she was listed as 2008's Rookie of the Year. It wasn't that she was Rookie of the Year that impressed so much as the fact that she was so good last year that it was easy to forget she was even a rookie. Just saying.

Anyway, what this team has going for it is chemistry. Nearly everybody on this roster has been playing with the others for years now. They set up great defenses and create big holes for their jammers and they barely even have to talk to each other any more to pull it off.

Tucson fans who think that the addition of Deadlock Doe to the team could threaten this precious chemistry are likely to be proven wrong, wrong, wrong. Doe is even more effective with this group, which may be owed to the fact that VICE doesn't need her to play Pivot and micro-manage the defense as much as FTW did. She's free to just hit anything that moves and needless to say, she's quite good at that.

There really isn't any one player that the team relies upon too heavily, which makes them pretty much immune to injuries and other strokes of bad luck. It also makes them the most consistent team in town, and right now they are still the team to beat.

HALFTIME: Derby Brats!

It's important to mention the junior leagues that exhibited themselves at halftime for a couple of reasons. First, just to give recognition to them. The Tucson Derby Brats and the LA Junior Dolls played a full bout earlier that afternoon. The result on the scoreboard may have been a lopsided 163-11 in favor of Tucson, but the audience had nothing but praise for the visiting team. The Tucson Derby Brats are one of the first junior leagues in the country, so the team is full of girls who have already been playing for years and by extension the average age of Tucson's juniors is much higher than other cities. It was only natural that they won handily.

Impressive, though, was the way LA responded, not by giving up, but by working harder. They responded to the tough competition and got better and better each period. With a work ethic like that, they're going to be really hard to beat once they all get a little bit older.

Of course, the other reason for mentioning the Derby Brats is ...

Iron Curtain (1-2)



On Saturday a Tucson junior officially graduated into the adult league. Her name is now Luc3f3r, (formerly Pixie Stix), and the cliche around here is that she is the future of TRD. A cliche, yes, but it's true: she is.

There are a number of reasons why this is the best Iron Curtain ever to assemble, but undoubtedly the arrival of Luc3f3r will prove to be a big part of any success they enjoy. And the fans know it too: on an already noisy night, the biggest cheer came when Luc3f3r took the line for the first time. She's already the fastest skater in Tucson and utterly tireless to boot and she's only 18. She's a sure bet for Rookie of the Year and barring anything unfortunate like injury or out-of-state college we're only going to watch her improve.

Sure enough she will have to adjust now that her skating abilities will face genuine competition, but if her progress over the course of a mere Saturday night was any indication -- she went from struggling against the Copper Queens to scoring a 10-0 jam against the VICE defense and almost spear-heading a comeback -- she's going to do just fine. It's intimidating to consider how much damage she might do in a full 60-minute bout, and absolutely mind-boggling to imagine how good she could be in 3 or 4 years.

But that's not all for the Iron Curtain. They also picked up Helen Wheels from the VICE Squad and Punch Kisser from Milwaukee's Brewcity Bruisers. With Helen comes stability, leadership and discipline that will benefit the entire team. With Punch comes a versatile triple threat.

Luckily for IC fans, the remaining roster is composed entirely of veterans, ladies who have been dedicated to this team and performing well no matter how badly things may have been going for them on the track: Kassi Nova, Dot Stoevsky, Bianka Trohl, Kamanda, Karla Marx and Kosma Nauti. With no disrespect meant to any former Iron Curtain skaters: there is no more chaff left on this team.

Despite the 1-2 start, it doesn't seem crazy to suggest that the Iron Curtain could shock everyone and become the 2009 champs. They played well enough to win in both of their losses and it's likely they will benefit tremendously from skating full 60 minute bouts, considering how well conditioned their jammers are.

Also: Best. Uniforms. Ever.

Copper Queens (2-1)



Like VICE, the Copper Queens are returning to this season more or less intact. An exciting addition to the roster is Powder Keg, formerly Bolshe Vixen of the Iron Curtain. After taking a year off, Powder Keg spent much of Saturday night reminding everyone that she is one of the hardest hitters in town.

At one point last season the Copper Queens sat alone atop the local standings and like the Iron Curtain, they played well enough on Saturday to beat the VICE. A full bout could easily end with a different conclusion.

The Copper Queens have always played a smart, team-oriented game and while the other teams may not ever want to admit it, it seems this team's ability to mature quickly under a consistent gameplan has influenced the entire league's approach to the game on some level.

The Queens can land some hits and are able to play solid defense, but they seemed to do better helping their jammers get through the pack and what's more, ensuring that their jammers could score as many points as possible once they did. Dirty Teri is arguably the smartest jammer in TRD and rarely does she give away unnecessary points whenever she gets lead. If you enjoy the game's strategies, they are a fun team to watch.

The all-star Tucson Saddletramps (West region, currently ineligible for WFTDA ranking, ranked #22 nationally by DNN) will skate next at the Four Corners Feud on February 20th and 21st in a six-team tournament. They're against Denver (ranked 4th in the West region by WFTDA and #17 nationally by DNN) in the first round. Two weekends after that will see a return to intraleague play as the VICE Squad takes on the Furious Truckstop Waitresses.

Photos: David Anderson