VICE Squad Triumphs Over Iron Curtain, 67-54

TUCSON, AZ -- Bout Night in Tucson again and for the third time in a row fans were treated to an exciting, down-to-the-wire game. Despite many injuries, the Iron Curtain led at the half, but the VICE Squad would come back and win it, 67-54.

The Iron Curtain had only six healthy skaters but were allowed to use three substitutes from the Furious Truckstop Waitresses to help keep their rotation fresh. On loan were Hell Bent Betty, Pinkie McLovin and Skeletor. Most missed from the Curtain's lineup was Helen Wheels, but the ladies in red put up a solid defense anyway and kept the game within grasp throughout.

Both teams played a deeper jammer rotation than they have in previous bouts, with VICE giving extra time to Carrie Gunns and Anita Donut and IC giving regular shifts to Kamanda.

As typical, VICE jumped out to an early lead with Sami Automatic winning 4-0 over Punchkisser and Polly Graf winning 3-0 over Bianka Trohl. Also typical, Luc3f3r would win her first jam, stopping the freeflow of VICE points and beating Sami Automatic 3-0 to keep it close at 7-3.

The next few jams were tight and the score crept up to 8-5 before Iron Curtain scored big in a breakout jam about 12 minutes into the bout. Bianka Trohl of IC versus Myna N. Possession of VICE and Myna gets sent to the box. Bianka runs the the full two minutes to score a big 10-0 victory and vault her team into the lead at 15-8. This jam would actually be the most lopsided of the bout and one of only three jams to see a jammer even attempt a second scoring pass, (Sami Automatic would own the other two), a testament to how competitively both teams played.

Luc3f3r won the next jam over Sami 2-0, but Polly Graf stabilized things for VICE with a 5-0 grandslam over Kamanda, leaving the score close at 17-13 in meager favor of the Iron Curtain.

Punchkisser returned fire with what might be a highlight of the whole TRD season. Punch had been playing with noticeably more fire in this bout - which is really saying something - but up to this point was still scoreless. Up against Myna N. Possession, Punch ended her drought first by laying a solid, clean hit against the opposing jammer, sending her near into the audience. Punch broke the pack quickly and won the jam 4-0.

Two jams later the audience was wowed again, this time by Luc3f3r who made several slick jumps on her way through the pack, earning lead jammer status on a defense-defying aerial move that got IC fans cheering loudly. She won jam the jam 4-0 over Carrie Gunns.



The score as Luce left it was 25-16 and the rest of the period would be a slow, defensive grind that saw little change. The Iron Curtain owned the half, 28-18. This was the high point of their night, but a well-deserved one. The six Iron Curtain regulars played better than I've seen them ever play, which is saying a lot in some cases. Dot Stoevsky, a consistent blocker on any other day, was often a one-lady wrecking crew, holding the VICE jammers at the back of the pack with regularity.

The second half ultimately belonged to VICE as they played like the defending champions that they are, but it would not be an easy battle and they would only pull away at the end.

After a 0-0 wash, Polly Graf got the scoring started with another 5-0 grandslam over Bianka Trohl that cut the IC lead in half, 28-23. Luce answered with a 3-0 victory, but VICE immediately earned another grandslam, this time Carrie Gunns over Punchkisser in a power jam situation, bringing the score hand-wringingly close at 31-28, still in favor of the Iron Curtain.

The next jam was an odd one. Punchkisser still in the penalty box, Anita Donut started uncontested. She broke pack and earned lead, but Punchkisser returned to play before Donut could score the free point. After clearing the pack a second time, Anita Donut would herself be thrown in the penalty box, allowing Punch to skate uncontested for the remainder of the two minutes. The result was an eccentric 4-4 jam.

Luce started the next jam uncontested and would win it cleanly, but was held to an unexciting 3 points. It should be said at this point that while Luc3f3r had an outstanding game - her best ever perhaps - the VICE Squad always minimized the damage she caused. She beat her opponents nearly every jam she took and yet she was almost always held to 3 points or less each time. In another context she might have given us a game-winning, carry-her-team-on-her-shoulders performance, but the simple fact is that VICE is still the most consistent team in town and has never let a single player get the better of them alone.

With her team down 32-38, Sami Automatic delivered her most devastating jam, a near double-grandslam over Kamanda, 9-0 that put VICE back in the lead 41-38. Polly followed this up with a 4-0 victory over Punchkisser that extended things to 45-38. Sami jumped in again, earning another victory, albeit a small one, 2-0. 47-38 and it looks like VIC E is running away.

IC does not go down easy however. Luce won her next jam 5-0 to begin a series of three jams that saw Dot Stoevsky clamp down on the opposition. Behind a stretch of remarkable solo-play on the part of Dot, the Iron Curtain were able to storm back to a sliver of a lead, 48-47 with less than 10 minutes left to play.

VICE quickly returned to form however, starting with a 3-0 victory by Sami that put her team in the lead for good.

Luce took the next two jams for IC, greeted at this point by the crowd chanting her name. Uncharacteristically, however, she would gain no ground against Anita Donut or Polly Graf. VICE was shutting down IC, this time for good.

Sami Automatic grabbed a 6-0 victory from Punchkisser, the last of only three jams greater than 5 points. It was the nail in the coffin, a 61-52 VICE lead.

The last two jams would change nothing, Carrie Gunns leading in a 2-2 tie against Bianka Trohl, and Sami Automatic defeating Luce 4-0, a fitting microcosm of the entire bout: Age and Guile beating Youth and Innocence.

The final was 67-54. Congratulations and thank you to all of TRD for providing a truly competitive season thus far. These last months have given the best derby I've seen since becoming a fan!

Copper Queens, Iron Curtain Win in Tucson Local Double-Header

TUCSON, AZ -- More like triple-header, as the half-time entertainment was an exhibition bout by the best danged Derby Brats around! But in the big people's match-ups it was the Copper Queens upsetting the undefeated-until-now Vice Squad, 60-47, and the Iron Curtain winning their first full intraleague bout in decisive fashion over the Furious Truckstop Waitresses, 113-14.

A lot of derby for one night. Maybe too much! Let's get straight to the details!

Copper Queens v. VICE Squad

That the Copper Queens ultimately won this bout is even more impressive when you consider that the VICE Squad held them at 0 points for the first 12 minutes, but even in those scoreless opening minutes the Queens held up defensively against VICE and prevented them from running away with the game.

While the first two jams went VICE's way, 2-0 and 8-0, (That would be Sami Automatic over Dirty Teri and Polly Graf over Ferocious Oxide, respectively), the next three were 0-0 stalemates. Carrie Gunns then delivered a clean 5-0 Grand Slam over Dirty Teri to make it a 15-0 VICE lead. The Queens saw their first points in the seventh jam in a near wash, but Pixie Axe was still on the wrong end of a 4-3 jam against Sami Automatic. 19-3, the 16-point lead would be VICE's biggest.

Powder Keg turned it around for the Queens in her first jam of the night. Up against Myna N. Possession, Keg scored a double Grand Slam. The 10 points made it 19-13 and VICE wouldn't hold a bigger lead until the second period.

With the score close again and VICE's early dominance nearly erased, the game became a grind with both teams playing very well and the jam scores staying low. The Queens slowly shrank the VICE lead and with 5 minutes they only lead by 2 at a score of 24-22.

The jam that gave the Queens their first lead of the game was fraught with some drama. It was Polly Graf of VICE skating against Pixie Axe of the Queens. Pixie quickly earned lead jammer and shortly after Polly was sent to the penalty box. (It was the first jammer penalty of the game, no less, and one of only three total by the end of the game. Kudos to both teams for playing so disciplined).

With a power jam and nearly two minutes to run, Pixie was poised to make a big jump for her team. However on her first scoring pass she was hit hard by Deadlock Doe. The hit, which happened out of bounds and reportedly included flagrant use of a forearm, was judged as grounds for expulsion. Moreover, Pixie Axe was sent hard into the rink wall and took several minutes to recover. She was not be able to return to skating that night.

Deadlock Doe, it should be noted, had up to that point been a tremendous asset defensively. Her absence no doubt had an impact on the complexion of the game, though VICE is replete with great defenders and would continue to dog the Queens' jammers well.



Injured and stopped short of having a breakout jam, Pixie Axe still scored 3 points before going down, making it a 25-24, in favor of the Copper Queens for the first time. The last two jams of the period gave the Queens 3 more points over VICE, ending the period at 28-24.

Points, shmoints, defense-heavy bouts are fun to watch.

The Queens jammer rotation through the first period had already given more star-time to Powder Keg and Kay Boom than was given in the bout against the Iron Curtain. With Pixie Axe gone these two skaters were given even more time on the line in the second half.

The second period started swimmingly for the VICE Squad. Sami Automatic skated the full two minutes against Ferocious Oxide, who spent one of those minutes in the penalty box. Sami delivered the game's most lopsided jam, 12-0. This catapulted VICE firmly back into the lead at 36-28, but the eight points would be their biggest for the remainder of the game.

Dirty Teri immediately cut the lead in half with a nice 4-0 jam. Sami Automatic won the next for VICE, but she was held to 1-0.

Kay Boom of the Queens followed all this up with a 5-0 Grand Slam that tied the game at 37, but a nod has to go to Queens pivot Rough Cut Jules for her clean-effective blocking on this jam. VICE jammer Polly Graf quickly got to the front of the pack well ahead of Boom, with only Jules between her and lead jammer status. Jules, smaller by far than most roller girls, held the line and slowed Polly down without stretching things to 20 feet. The pack eventually caught up to both of them and Kay Boom would go on to break the pack first and Polly never would.

If you watch her, this is the sort of thing Jules does all the time, but it rarely gets noticed because it's always clean and never comes with any attitude or hits attached. Well it's getting noticed this time.

Teri followed up the play with a 3-0 jam over Carrie Gunns that gave the lead back to the Queens, but Sami Automatic immediately matched this with a 3-0 jam over Ferocious Oxide to tie it back up at 40 with just about 19 minutes to play.

From here the Copper Queens made an impressive defensive stand that in one sense lasted the rest of the game, (VICE would only score 7 more points), but more immediately had the impact of shutting the VICE Squad out entirely for the next 5 jams. However, like VICE's early-game shut-out streak, the Queens did not exactly run away with the score, only pushing things to 49-40 before VICE next scored.

During this stretch the VICE began to employ a strategy not seen since their last defeat, (last season, also to the Copper Queens), which was heavy use of Sami Automatic at the jammer line, changing the rotation so that she skated two out of three jams. Given that Sami never seems to tire nor skate uncompetitively, it is hard to say that this strategy isn't worthwhile, but it did not work last time and it wouldn't work this time.

Polly Graf broke the shut out with a 2-1 victory over Ferocious Oxide, but the jam could have been more effective if not again for the efforts of Rough Cut Jules at the front to slow her down until Fero was hot on her heels.

From here the game was a tense grind yet again. The biggest jams after this point were 4-0, one in favor of the Queens, (Teri over Sami), and one in favor of VICE, (Polly over Teri). The rest of the jams were small affairs, all of them either 0-0 or minor victories for the Queens and the score slowly cinched up to 60-47. The last jam showcased the bout's marquee match-up, Sami Automatic versus Dirty Teri. Teri would go on to earn lead jammer after the game clock expired and so called it off immediately to seal the victory and summon a surge of zeal from the energized crowd.

Iron Curtain v. Furious Truckstop Waitresses



With no disrespect to any skaters involved, the second bout was not as exciting as the first. This bout is significant in TRD history, however, for being the first time the Iron Curtain were able to defeat an intraleague opponent in a regulation-length bout. The final score was 113-14.

But similar to the mini-bout match-up between these two teams, the Iron Curtain stumbled out of the gate and the Waitresses pounced. In the first jam, Bianka Trohl of the IC broke pack first against Waitress Skeletor, but a minor penalty kept her from earning lead jammer. Skeletor, not far behind, called of the jam and kept it 0-0.

In the second jam, IC's Punchkisser was sent to the penalty box and Zippy's Takeout took a 3-0 jam for the Waitresses. Still in the box at the start of the next jam, Punchkisser lost the next jam 2-0, and the Waitresses took a 5-0 lead.

The fourth jam was Luc3f3r's first for the Iron Curtain, and the expectation was that she would turn things around for her team. It was no small task, as she faced Peaches Rodriguez of the Waitresses, a veteran jammer of undeniable talent. Luce prevailed all the same, 4-0, and brought the score to 5-4 in favor of FTW.

From here the IC began their expected domination. The Waitresses did not score again until 8 jams later, when a succession of two jams gave them 6 more points. 11 would be all they would get in the first half. The Curtain led 36-11.

To credit the Waitresses' effort in this first half, they held IC to 36 points, which is a solid defensive showing. Their jammers also broke the pack fast enough to keep the Iron Curtain from taking more than one scoring pass in any jam, and a 25-point deficit is not that big, really. Also, when the Curtain faltered early, The Waitresses found success. It can hard to remember that in Roller Derby a lopsided score does not mean the losing team is that much worse than their opponent.

The second half was not be as successful for FTW, however. Already up by 25, the Iron Curtain easily ran away with the score. In fact, a near-novelty occurred, as the Waitresses were almost completely shut out for the entire period.

The Waitresses only points came from Peaches Rodriguez, who snuck in 3 points against Helen Wheels after a referee gaffe, (names will not be mentioned). Peaches broke pack first, but lead jammer was waived off. Soon after, Helen Wheels broke pack in time to call it off before Peaches scored, but her lead jammer status was slowed to be recognized.

No bother for the IC. The final score again was 113-14.

A final thought: Luc3f3r, obviously in love with skating, did not use the rout of her opponents as an opportunity to rest, instead taking extra jams in the face of the usual risks of tiring. Truth be told, however, if one watched Luce jam in this game, they were watching the wrong thing. As a Derby Brat graduate, much gets made of how the transition to a hitting game should be a challenge for her. If it was ever true, this game proved it is not a factor anymore. Luc3f3r pivots as much as she jams, and when she pivots, she hits. Nice.

Copper Queens Defeat Iron Curtain in Tucson Local Action

TUCSON, AZ -- After a rather lopsided bout on March 7th between the VICE Squad and the Furious Truckstop Waitresses (VICE steamrolled FTW 185-33), Tucson Roller Derby fans were eager to see something a bit more competitive. It came in the form of the cool, competent, hard-working Copper Queens and the exciting, quickly-improving Iron Curtain.

Defense and strategy would win the day as both teams exhibited intense awareness of the game. With the jammers and defenses evenly matched, the jams were short and low-scoring. Both teams held under 100 points? A point differential of less than 20? Gadzooks! Could it be Roller Derby? In Tucson? Yes!


First Half



After a closely contested opening three jams left the score at 3-3, the Copper Queens began to slowly but surely pull ahead. Jam 4, between Bianka Trohl (for Iron Curtain) and Ferocious Oxide (for Copper Queens), proved to be a showcase for the defensive play of Copper Queen Powder Keg who seemed to be in a groove from this point forward. She would make her presence at the back of the pack known many times this night and in this jam she would almost single-handedly hold back Bianka Trohl for the entire jam. Bianka would never break pack and Fero scored a textbook grandslam, bumping the score to 8-3 in favor of the Queens.

Rookie sensation Luc3f3r, last seen turning heads for the Tucson all-stars at the Four Corner Feud tournament in Colorado Springs, took the star for IC against Dirty Teri for CQ. If all eyes were on Luce they were watching the wrong jammer because Teri would do what she would go on to do many times this night: win a jam by a lopsided margin. Teri broke pack quickly and was on her first scoring pass before Luc3f3r would leave the pack ... to go sit in the penalty box. Finding herself on the right end of a power jam, Teri easily completed a second pass before calling the jam, making it two grand slams, 10 points and a 18-3 lead for the Copper Queens.

The next jam began with Luc3f3r still in the box and Pixie Axe jamming for the Queens. Luce's penalty expired in time for her to join the pack on its first pass. Perhaps not scoring in her first two jams left her feeling she had something to prove -- nobody saw her coming when she shot back onto the track at top speed, passing the entire pack on the outside in less than half a lap. She won lead and countered Teri's last jam exactly, 10-0, to bring the score right back to interesting -- 18-13 in favor of the Queens. To quote Tucson's fabulous announcers: Hail Satan.

Powder Keg took a turn jamming next, earning a grand slam over Punchkisser and pushing the Copper Queen lead to 10 points, 23-13. But the next seven jams reverted to the low-scoring back and forth seen in the first three jams, with three of these jams going completely scoreless. Most notable would again be the play of Powder Keg, who by the end of this stretch had well established herself as the Queens antidote to Luc3f3r. The Iron Curtain fell deep into penalty trouble during this time and the Queens would take advantage 14-2, stretching their lead to 37-15.

Luc3f3r finally scored again in a 4-0 jam against Dirty Teri. This jam is well remembered not so much for the points, however, but for the crowd-pleasing mega-super-skirt-whip shown below. Turns out the Iron Curtain's new uniforms don't just look good, but they are in fact secret communist super weapons.



But that was it for Iron Curtain scoring on the half, shut out in the closing three frames. In the last jam of the half, with the Iron Curtain already down by 20 points, Dirty Teri delivered what many might have seen as the nail in the coffin, an 8-0 jam that sent the game to half time with the Queens holding a commanding 47-19 lead. Teri proved effective in the second half as well, but her performance in the first half should be credited as game-winning, outscoring her opposing jammers 26-5. That's a 21-point difference in a bout ultimately decided by 14 points.


Second Half



But the Iron Curtain would keep it interesting. The second half saw much less of them in the penalty box and much more of them scoring. After a quick 0-0, the Iron Curtain took command over the next five jams, whittling away at the Copper Queens lead, outscoring them 15-8 and bringing the score to a more manageable 55-34.

The rally wouldn't last, though. The Queens, with continued pack-play dominance from blocker Powder Keg, followed up with a tremendous defensive stand, taking lead jam seven times in a row and holding the Iron Curtain to a mere two points (courtesy of Luc3f3r). By the end of that run, the score was 73-36 and the game clock read 12:59.

Momentum swung back to the Curtain, but only slightly, and not by large margins. Over the next eight minutes and six jams, the Iron Curtain's biggest win was a 5-0 grand slam for their captain Kamanda. They'd outscore the Copper Queens 15-7, but time was running out -- it was 80-51 with only 5 minutes to play.

Punchkisser, jamming for the IC, quickly took lead over Pixie Axe. Pixie looked to be hot on her heels but IC blocker Bianka Trohl didn't let up, jumping in front of the pack, catching the Queens jammer, and holding onto her long enough for the pack to catch back up to her. Frustration, distraction, or simple error, Pixie Axe would then get herself thrown in the box just as Punch began her first scoring pass. Punch passed the pack before Pixie could sit down, a golden opportunity for the trailing team. Punch called off the jam, taking it 5-0 and giving the entire power jam to Luc3f3r.

Credit goes to the Queens defense for cracking down at the right time. Luc3f3r would eventually break pack, but not after having 75 precious seconds wasted. So what does a superstar do with her other 45 seconds? Stupid question. Obviously she scores 10 points, taking the jam 10-0 and bringing the score firmly into miracle-comeback-range, 80-66.

The last jam began with 13 seconds left -- Bianka Trohl versus CQ ace Dirty Teri. Teri had been grabbing lead all night and all the derby-savvy fans knew that if she did it again, she could simply call off the jam and end the game ... but naturally, as adrenaline would have it, Bianka immediately grabbed lead jammer in just over a single lap. Teri, meanwhile, was uncharacteristically stymied by the Iron Curtain defense. A 14-0 jam is a tall order, but if it was to happen, this jam couldn't have started better for the Curtain. However, it was not to be. Teri eventually broke free and Bianka eventually hit a wall. The jam expired at a 7-7 tie and the 14-point deficit remained.

The Iron Curtain won the second half 54-40, but the Copper Queens took the bout 87-73.

Tucson's next action takes place on April 18 in an intraleague doubleheader: the Copper Queens throw down with the undefeated VICE Squad while the winless Furious Truckstop Waitresses get it on with the Iron Curtain.

Photos: David Anderson

Dallas Derby Devils & Dallas Deception Win in Doubleheader

DALLAS, TX -- A long anticipated bout finally came to fruition last Saturday when the Dallas Derby Devils took on Assassination City, the first time the cross-town rivals had met in a regular WFTDA sanctioned bout. More to the point, this was the first time fans of both leagues were able to fill up a building and cheer, cheer, cheer. If that weren't enough to draw a crowd, local men's team Dallas Deception hosted the Tucson Dry Heat Militia in their debut bout, a 40 minute affair. Let no one say they don't appreciate derby in Dallas.

The final outcome of the 60 minute women's bout might have been easy to predict - when we last saw these teams they were taking turns against Atlanta, with DDD winning and AC losing - and indeed the Devils came out on top again, 228-60. But how did it all happen, and what can AC take with them into the future?

Women's Bout: Dallas 228, Assassination City 60



The opening jam pitted Roxie La Roo of DDD against Olive Illegal of AC, two jammers that would see a lot of action the entire night. Roxie would win the opener, 9-1, scoring a grandslam before Olive could break the pack and then completing another pass before calling off the jam.

The second jam would typify the efforts of both teams. While Dallas would win the jam 4-1, (Hot 4 Teacher over Brandi Danger), credit has to be given to Assassination City for getting their jammers out of the pack quick enough to convince Dallas to call of the jam after only one scoring pass. What the final score doesn't tell you is that AC pushed hard enough to avoid what could have been many extremely lopsided jams, instead forcing the issue with Dallas. Very few jams went the full two minutes and most of them weren't much longer than one.

The third and fifth jams saw AC jammers Vanna Rockin and Brandi Danger go to the penalty box. Dallas took advantage of these penalties by calling off the jam and starting fresh jams with uncontested jammers. This put them in firm control of four consecutive jams and Keltic Kamikaze, Roxie La Roo, Hot 4 Teacher and Ingersoll Rand would rack the score up to 43-2, putting Dallas in irrevocable command of the bout.

Olive Illegal would then go toe-to-toe with Roxie La Roo, keeping the eighth jam tied at 4-4, but the ninth jam would see Dallas demonstrate their superior athleticism in the bout's first two-minute jam. With Keltic Kamikaze and Brandi Danger both ineligible for lead jammer it became a pure race, one that Keltic would win 14-3.

It was not until jam 10 that AC would earn its first lead jammer. Olive Illegal took control quickly against Hot 4 Teacher, but both skaters started their first scoring pass at about the same time. Olive accepted the risks of not calling off the jam and both jammers would go on to attempt two scoring passes, with Olive coming out on top 7-6. An improvement for AC, but the Dallas lead was not going to be surmounted one point at a time. The score was 67-16.

Dallas responded by shutting out AC for the next five jams. When the dry spell was broken AC was able to get lead jammer three times in a row, (credit to Herassizz Mine, Illegally Blonde and Olive Illegal), but had to settle for being matched nearly point for point by the Dallas jammers. The first half came to close soon after with Dallas up 121-28.

The second half would see a bit more violence. In the second jam Dallas jammer Hot 4 Teacher would go down and play would be stopped. Clearly in pain, Hot 4 would eventually pick herself up and return to jamming about 15 minutes later. Not one jam after her return would Assassination City's Herassizz Mine go down similarly but not be so lucky, suffering a game-ending knee injury.

In this half it would only take four jams before AC would step up and claim lead jammer, with Herassizz Mine grabbing a clean 5-0 off Roxie La Roo. No small feat.

Ten minutes into the half Assassination City put forth their best effort of the night, holding Dallas scoreless over three jams and allowing only two points in the next, making it a 13-2 run to bring us into the final quarter of the game at a score of 155-46. A wide margin, certainly, but worth noting that for 15 minutes the score only favored Dallas by a margin of 34-18. Again, give AC credit for never giving up and for playing as hard as they could the entire game.

The rest of the half, however, would go Dallas' way as they outscored AC 73-14 and brought us to the final score of 228-60.

Men's Bout: Dallas Deception 178, Tucson Dry Heat Militia 19



The core of Tucson's team has been together for a mere 7 months and while they have some true competitive talent in Pitchit and Johnny Smokescreen, the team had yet to experience roller derby on a highly competitive level. The Dry Heat was bolstered by Harm City skaters Justice Feelgood Marshall, Sin Diesel, and Gearhead in the interest of healthy competition, but it would prove much too little in the face of Dallas' hefty experience. The question, ultimately, wasn't who would win, but rather what these teams would look like. With public exhibitions of men's derby so rare, fans were excited to see anything.

And Dallas didn't merely have experience on their side, but youth and athleticism to boot. With nary a skater over 25 and with Matomic and Johnny Pocket Rocket already proven to be two of the best skaters in the country, Dallas is well positioned to become the best men's team out there.

In the first half, Tuscon pulled out all the stops it could, leaning heavily on a jammer rotation of Pitchit, Smoke and Justice. The first jam saw Matomic go up against Johnny Smokescreen, winning 8-5. To judge by a margin of three points, one might have guessed the Dry Heat would be putting pressure on the Deception to perform, but no, it would not be until the tenth jam that Tucson would score again.

Dallas' eight-jam shut-out would be highlighted in the fifth jam when Matomic would pass his star to Johnny Pocket Rocket while executing a twirling double-reverse whip. Showboating? Yes. Awesome? Of course. Crowd pleasing? Absolutely. Again, let no one say they don't appreciate derby in Dallas and under no circumstance shall it be permitted to say that the Dallas Deception can't work a crowd.

The sixth jam looked to be an opportunity for the Militia to get some points, as they started with Justice Feelgood Marshall alone on the line (with Pocket Rocket in the box due to having successfully called the jam after the star pass) -- but the chance was lost as Justice took a major track cut on his opening pass. That resulted in a jammerless jam that pitted a depleted Johhny Smokescreen against Short Bus. Short Bus would take it 6-0. Looking to relieve the primary jammer rotation, Julius Plaesar was put on the line for Tucson, setting up Pocket Rocket for the most lopsided jam of the bout, 20-0 and launching the score up to 72-5.

Pitchit would earn Tucson its first lead jammer against Rhino, taking the jam cleanly, 5-0, giving Tucson its last points of the period. At half the score would be 81-10 in favor of Dallas.

Victory clearly out of its grasp, the Dry Heat Militia went with a deeper jammer rotation in an effort to share the wealth of experience. The Deception would graciously follow suit, but not until the fifth jam. This would see Dallas open the period with a 60-4 explosion over a mere four jams, rocketing the score to 141-14, the bright spot for Tucson being that Mr. Awesome was able to grab 4 points in his debut jam.

In fifth jam things would calm down, with Dallas' Dewey Decimator skating to a 0-0 tie against Tucson's tiny but indestructible Handinout Justice.

The sixth jam would find the Dry Heat jammer Julius Plaesar called out for tripping, which would have been unremarkable if not for his egregious misuse of his own girth on his way to the penalty box, bumping the table that held his team's water cooler and sending 20+ gallons of water and ice exploding across the floor and onto the track in what must have been a vicious attempt to ruin the skates and spines of the host Deception.

It should be said that the Dallas Derby Devils staff was able to clean up the enormous mess in an impressively short time. Meanwhile, Matomic and Pocket Rocket entertained the crowd with their equally impressive jam-skating skills. Again, it shall not be permitted to question the Deception's ability to play a crowd.

The final score would be 178-19. Tucson's minimalist approach to scoring would be rounded out by Space Case (4 points), and Handinout Justice, (1 point). Dallas's 178 points would be led by Johnny Pocket Rocket's 48 points over 5 jams followed by Matomic and Texas Scold 'Em with 29 points each over 3 jams. Most impressive for Dallas was their ability to succeed with any jammer and not rely too heavily on the enormous talents of Matomic and Pocket Rocket.

Photos: Pitchit

Tucson Enters 6th Season With Full-League Round Robin

TUCSON, AZ -- Tucson Roller Derby fans were treated to a smorgasbord of action on February 7 when TRD kicked off its sixth season by pitting all four teams against each other in a round robin of epic proportions. The teams played six 15-minute mini-bouts to a standing-room only crowd and offered an exciting preview of what looks to be the most competitive TRD season to date. And the halftime show? More derby as Tucson's junior league exhibited their skills against the juniors from Los Angeles.

The defending champion Vice Squad emerged the most victorious, but the other three teams proved they aren't to be taken lightly.

First, the bottom line, and then, a team-by-team run down:

VICE Squad 42 - Furious Truckstop Waitresses 4
Copper Queens 22 - Iron Curtain 17
VICE Squad 28 - Copper Queens 17
Iron Curtain 24 - Furious Truckstop Waitresses 7
VICE Squad 29 - IC 23
Copper Queens 35 - Furious Truckstop Waitresses 5

And here are the teams that brought you those numbers:

Furious Truckstop Waitresses (0-3)



A casual TRD fan might gawk to think that FTW could ever sit at the bottom of the standings after so many years of dominance, but it turns out that roller derby is a real sport and in the real sports world, things change - and in the case of FTW, a lot has changed.

Only five players remain who were with the team last year: Peaches Rodriguez, Zippy's Takeout, Sunni Sideup, Sassy Sue and Gracie Spoon. The rest are rookies.

The future looks bright, however. There is some serious excitement over rookies Skeletor (because she's fast), and Jackrabbit Slams (because she's a tank), and the Waitresses played a lot better than the final scores indicate. They stayed in position, they fought to control the front of the pack and they were always paying attention. In other words, they were playing smart and they were working hard, which is all one can really ask of them.

On top of that, they exuded the one thing that has never changed about this team: positive attitude. When they win they don't gloat, when they lose they don't pout.

If their team chemistry is good and they can keep from letting losses frustrate them, this group could whip into shape rather quickly. TRD has seen it happen before with the Copper Queens, who were able to become serious contenders in just their second year.

VICE Squad (3-0)



I could go on and on about some of these ladies so I should probably just list everyone on their roster and tell you that they're all good.

Okay, let's do it.

Anita Donut, Turkish Slammer, Barbicide, Sami Automatic, Deadlock Doe, Polly Graf, Sgt. Pepper Spray, Carrie Gunns, Myna N. Possession, Whiskey Mick. (They're all good).

On Saturday, Myna N. Possession inadvertently reminded the crowd how good she was not by her performance on the track but by an appearance in the bout program, specifically the part where she was listed as 2008's Rookie of the Year. It wasn't that she was Rookie of the Year that impressed so much as the fact that she was so good last year that it was easy to forget she was even a rookie. Just saying.

Anyway, what this team has going for it is chemistry. Nearly everybody on this roster has been playing with the others for years now. They set up great defenses and create big holes for their jammers and they barely even have to talk to each other any more to pull it off.

Tucson fans who think that the addition of Deadlock Doe to the team could threaten this precious chemistry are likely to be proven wrong, wrong, wrong. Doe is even more effective with this group, which may be owed to the fact that VICE doesn't need her to play Pivot and micro-manage the defense as much as FTW did. She's free to just hit anything that moves and needless to say, she's quite good at that.

There really isn't any one player that the team relies upon too heavily, which makes them pretty much immune to injuries and other strokes of bad luck. It also makes them the most consistent team in town, and right now they are still the team to beat.

HALFTIME: Derby Brats!

It's important to mention the junior leagues that exhibited themselves at halftime for a couple of reasons. First, just to give recognition to them. The Tucson Derby Brats and the LA Junior Dolls played a full bout earlier that afternoon. The result on the scoreboard may have been a lopsided 163-11 in favor of Tucson, but the audience had nothing but praise for the visiting team. The Tucson Derby Brats are one of the first junior leagues in the country, so the team is full of girls who have already been playing for years and by extension the average age of Tucson's juniors is much higher than other cities. It was only natural that they won handily.

Impressive, though, was the way LA responded, not by giving up, but by working harder. They responded to the tough competition and got better and better each period. With a work ethic like that, they're going to be really hard to beat once they all get a little bit older.

Of course, the other reason for mentioning the Derby Brats is ...

Iron Curtain (1-2)



On Saturday a Tucson junior officially graduated into the adult league. Her name is now Luc3f3r, (formerly Pixie Stix), and the cliche around here is that she is the future of TRD. A cliche, yes, but it's true: she is.

There are a number of reasons why this is the best Iron Curtain ever to assemble, but undoubtedly the arrival of Luc3f3r will prove to be a big part of any success they enjoy. And the fans know it too: on an already noisy night, the biggest cheer came when Luc3f3r took the line for the first time. She's already the fastest skater in Tucson and utterly tireless to boot and she's only 18. She's a sure bet for Rookie of the Year and barring anything unfortunate like injury or out-of-state college we're only going to watch her improve.

Sure enough she will have to adjust now that her skating abilities will face genuine competition, but if her progress over the course of a mere Saturday night was any indication -- she went from struggling against the Copper Queens to scoring a 10-0 jam against the VICE defense and almost spear-heading a comeback -- she's going to do just fine. It's intimidating to consider how much damage she might do in a full 60-minute bout, and absolutely mind-boggling to imagine how good she could be in 3 or 4 years.

But that's not all for the Iron Curtain. They also picked up Helen Wheels from the VICE Squad and Punch Kisser from Milwaukee's Brewcity Bruisers. With Helen comes stability, leadership and discipline that will benefit the entire team. With Punch comes a versatile triple threat.

Luckily for IC fans, the remaining roster is composed entirely of veterans, ladies who have been dedicated to this team and performing well no matter how badly things may have been going for them on the track: Kassi Nova, Dot Stoevsky, Bianka Trohl, Kamanda, Karla Marx and Kosma Nauti. With no disrespect meant to any former Iron Curtain skaters: there is no more chaff left on this team.

Despite the 1-2 start, it doesn't seem crazy to suggest that the Iron Curtain could shock everyone and become the 2009 champs. They played well enough to win in both of their losses and it's likely they will benefit tremendously from skating full 60 minute bouts, considering how well conditioned their jammers are.

Also: Best. Uniforms. Ever.

Copper Queens (2-1)



Like VICE, the Copper Queens are returning to this season more or less intact. An exciting addition to the roster is Powder Keg, formerly Bolshe Vixen of the Iron Curtain. After taking a year off, Powder Keg spent much of Saturday night reminding everyone that she is one of the hardest hitters in town.

At one point last season the Copper Queens sat alone atop the local standings and like the Iron Curtain, they played well enough on Saturday to beat the VICE. A full bout could easily end with a different conclusion.

The Copper Queens have always played a smart, team-oriented game and while the other teams may not ever want to admit it, it seems this team's ability to mature quickly under a consistent gameplan has influenced the entire league's approach to the game on some level.

The Queens can land some hits and are able to play solid defense, but they seemed to do better helping their jammers get through the pack and what's more, ensuring that their jammers could score as many points as possible once they did. Dirty Teri is arguably the smartest jammer in TRD and rarely does she give away unnecessary points whenever she gets lead. If you enjoy the game's strategies, they are a fun team to watch.

The all-star Tucson Saddletramps (West region, currently ineligible for WFTDA ranking, ranked #22 nationally by DNN) will skate next at the Four Corners Feud on February 20th and 21st in a six-team tournament. They're against Denver (ranked 4th in the West region by WFTDA and #17 nationally by DNN) in the first round. Two weekends after that will see a return to intraleague play as the VICE Squad takes on the Furious Truckstop Waitresses.

Photos: David Anderson